Lookin 'down into a dark pit .... Apparently prubowalam from several days to force myself, to finally start to write back, to no avail. Today all my frustration resurfaced and I am not able to calm down, I felt the time has come to finally give the aperture your emotions, you just afraid to go crazy. Normally I am not able to grasp everything. I went to work and I wanted to slaughter all present in the trunk. The only thing that kept me sane is the thought that came to my head at some point, I'm probably addicted to sex and my samopoczuje is the result of total lack of incentives for me, with so discredited, reproductive organs.
On a different note, last Sunday would be mojejgo dad's birthday I had a free and whole day went like a drag not knowing and not wishing to know what is actually happening around me. So badly I was missing the fact that somewhere out there was and believed in me, supported me, loved, lived. And now, though I have no longer kept, I always knew that I was his, until someone buys me not metaphorically. Now I have your fall, with whom I really do not know what I do, which is hanging over my head like some sort of nightmare and matches with the knowledge that already do not have any choice and I have to go back there, from which she escaped. Every day I think about it and I can not find a solution. And Roman.
As I went on holiday, as probably rtunku The last plank to our union, the last vote of confidence on my part, left in his palms, my debit Karda. He had to pay for my absence from my apartment. When I got thought it all went just as you We agreed, the landlord spoke nothing so we thought it settled. And suddenly, it turned out not. My wonderful husband, would-be third time in a long wjebal me. How it came to the interview he was stoned and I already could not stand alone I can not believe it but it zaczeam Click on the mouth with abandon. I was hoping to give me and i can not put it skrupolow to jail for what I did. Exactly this moment slamal me in half and spilled all my juices all over the floor. A Roman rozjebał I got up and half the room, I watched him without a word. The fats bluszczaly his tears, like some enraged child threw a five-year in August and copal everything will fall, broke a hand in it and then played the victim before the rest of the tenants of my house. And I took a cigarette and went to a buddy next door, said to me, only one sentence that now as I come back to him is already lost forever, he told me to repent. Nothing said nothing, just stared at the smoke coming out of my mouth.
Since then, two weeks have passed, fell from my eyes and fold again felt strong in order to go through it all. After he betrayed me after the death of my father, I felt tired and wanted someone just to hug me at night. After a while all this third Dalam last chance, which you quickly regretted. Over the past few months I felt like a canary in a cage, which forbidden to sing, but struggled terribly and so I could not finish unless I was afraid to stay alone. The only thing I thought when it is, I do not have the right annihilate someone's world by chance, because I have seen me. Completely forgot about my own world. Remembers his first great love, Sebastian, who did not really gave me no chance to prove that it naprwde I love and I'll be able to give him happiness. I remember how I fell on my head when my whole world left me, so how could I do like him and destroy someone who loves me so much. Concussion he suffered after Sebastian suspends me in the space between worlds for two whole years and turned my entire consciousness of 180 degrees. And now when I look at it with hindsight and experience, it seems to me that it was extremely mercy the move on his part. When the Roman knocks me in. roztrzskal bookcase, the only thing I felt this immense mercy and relief.
And what is the worst in all this? I miss hugging me how at night, for his warmth and smell. Just the same do not believe that. Number esemesow stupid if they got the threat on his part since rozsania hurt even more. I wish so badly I use gave me peace, on the other hand reminds me of his statement, which kept saying that as there is none and I am just afraid .... I'm waiting for the blow, which would end all that goes out and will no longer nothing. When the silent and not speak for a few days, I feel even worse, it's like to have a death sentence over one another and go their own green mile without the possibility of choice or hope. I wish so bad to me firmly prztulil someone at night, so I can finally sleep and knowing that everything will be fine.
already Stacilam faith in everything, I thought like a child whom I am naive, from somewhere waiting for someone who loves me not even knowing about it that he is somewhere out there and meet with him and nothing more will no longer count. Because I will be understood without words, loved, hugged each other at night, supported and helped meet the marzena. Someone for whom I will be just me, but as usual I woke up from sleep, wishing that it was not rzeczwistosc. My surreal dream straight from the cartoons hit me with full force and can not get up. Nokault ....
